How to Piss off the Warriors Cats 101
by Dragoneh
Summary: Funny ways I made up to annoy the warriors cats
1. Brambleclaw

**Brambleclaw**

* * *

1. Address him as "little tigger".

2. Alternatively, accidentally call him Tigerstar.

3. Tell Firestar that Tigerstar is in the warriors den and watch him attack Brambleclaw by mistake.

4. Tell him that Squirrelflight is in love with Ashfur again.

5. Tie a bell to his tail and watch him try and remove it.

6. Paint a fake exit to the camp from the warriors den and cover up the real one. Watch him run into the wall many times and tear up things.

7. Tell him that he is demoted from deputy because his dad is Tigerstar.

8. Go tell Firestar that he is plotting to kill him. Watch Firestar attack him.

9. Give Jaypaw(feather) permission to kill himself.

10. Tie balloons to his tail and watch him float to StarClan. (Great image there don't you think?)


	2. CloudTail

**Cloudtail**

* * *

1. Attack him and say,"oops I thought you were a rabbit."

2. Do number 1 but say, "a kittypet wandering in our land."

3. Do number 1 but say, "a large ball of fluff bid on destroying the forest."


	3. Dustpelt

**Dustpelt**

* * *

1. Sneeze whenever you walk by him.

2. Ask him what was all that noise was last night behind the warrior;s den, the follow up with the question "Where were you and Ferncloud last night?"

3. Hide a small radio under his moss in the warrior's den, and have it loop "Swiffer Sweep" commercials.


	4. Ferncloud

**Ferncloud**

* * *

1. Discuss with her how odd that all her currently living kits are toms.

2. Every time you walk by her mutter that there is no more space in the den any more due to all the new kits.

3. When Dustpelt and Ferncloud are beside each other ask Dustpelt how old he is, then ask Ferncloud how old she is. Look at them in a disgusted way and run off, giving dirty looks back at them. (But really, they're too damn old.)


	5. Firestar

**Firestar**

* * *

1. Hand-cuff him to Tigerstar.

2. Poke him with a stick all day.

3. Jump on the highrock and call for a clan meeting.

4. Put posters of Spottedleaf in his den.

5. Call him a kittypet.

6. Buy him a Tigerstar action figure.

7. Give his wallet to Leafpool and Squirrelflight.

8. Record him saying "I love you Spottedleaf" in his sleep and give the tape to Sandstorm.

9. Tell him Shadowclan has invaded when he is ready to fight tell him oops sorry my mistake I was kidding.

(Bonus Points:) Do all the things on this list to him in one day.


	6. Leafpool

Leafpool

* * *

1. "Re-organize" her herbs.

2. Tell her that you knew all along that Jaypaw(feather) was her and Crowfeather's son.

3. Give her a picture of Crowfeather for her birthday.

4. Ask her how much she weighs.

5. Every time she takes a bite of fresh-kill say to yourself while punching in a calculator "Plus 500 calories."

6. Tell her that Crowfeather wants to get back together with her and then meet her at the Windclan/Thunderclan border in a black cat costume.

7. Tell her Feathertail is back and to get a life.

8. Tell her Jaypaw looks an awful like you and Crowfeather.

9. Ask her were her grand-child is.

10 "Re-decorate" her den with pink silly string. (Bitches love pink silly string.)


	7. SquirrelFlight

SquirrelFlight

* * *

1. While you and her are in a tree push her out and when she falls yowl your name is very misleading!

2. Discuss how odd it is that her kit is _gray_, unlike anyone from her family

3. Pat her on the shoulder and say "Come on, you know he still loves you."

4. Not gonna lie, I can't pick on her, I love her. :(


	8. Tigerstar

Tigerstar

* * *

1. Tell him Firestar is cooler than him.

2. Hand-cuff him to Firestar.

3. Start addressing him as Tigerkit.

4. Start addressing him as Tigger.

5. Hide a radio in his den and make it play "I'm a Barbie girl" every time someone walks in.

6. Bring him a dead Hawkfrost for his birthday and when he gets mad tell him "Ohhh you said a dead Firestar!"

7. Put a pink collar with sparkles on him in his sleep, (Make sure the collar is un-breakable).

8. Staple paper hearts on him.

9. Put a bumper sticker on his car that says "Soccer mom."

10. Put superglue in his nest.

11. Remind him he's dead and to chill the fuck out.


	9. Yellowfang

Yellowfang

* * *

1. Ask her which is the green herb again.

2. When she asks you to go heal a cats illness go there and return and say, "OK I gave the deathberrys to him/her now what?"

3. Mix up all her herbs.

4. Drag her to the elder's den when she is sleeping.

5. Tickle her nose when she is sleeping and fill her paws with mouse bile then RUN!

6. Tell her to go back to Shadowclan.


	10. Jaypaw

Jayfeather

* * *

1. Talk to him about how strange it is that his pelt is grey unlike anyone in his family

2. Keep saying things like, "Jayfeather did you see that?" or "Jayfeather, look!"

3. Ask what color deathberries are because you forgot.

4. Ask him if he thinks a certain she-cat is pretty.

5. Tell him calmly, "Stick is expecting your kits".

6. Move eveything in his den around so he will run into things and not know were to go.

7. Call him emo.

8. Poke his back and move your hand up, keep going until he hurts someone.

9. Dig a hole and then call him over and watch him fall in the hole in a confused manner.

10. Ask him how many fingers you are holding up.


	11. Cinderpelt

Cinderpelt

1. Ask her to come running with you.

2. When she follows you yell, "hurry up!"

3. Ask her if monsters hurt.

4. Ask her when she will be a warrior.

5. Using play dough make a diorama of the thunderpath and her getting her leg hit and give it to her for a present.

6. Ask her to stop dragging her foot, it's scaring all the prey off.


	12. Sandstorm

Sandstorm

* * *

1. Ask her were Spottedleaf and Firestar went,

2. Make her come in Firestar's den when he is dreaming of Spottedleaf.

3. Carry on a 4 hour long converstion with her about Spottedleaf.

4. Ask her if Dustpelt is her brother (listen to her consistantly say no).

5. Sing Firestar and Spottedleaf sitting in a tree.


	13. NightCloud

Nightcloud

* * *

1. Dress in a Leafpool costume and run up to her and start screaming "Hey, Hey, You, You, I don't like your boyfriend!"

2. Paint a picture of Crowfeather nuzzleing Leafpool and put it in the den.

3. Throw a pokeball at her and yell, "It was so close too!"

4. Dress as a white cat and run up to her and yell, "OMG MY LONG LOST SISTER NIGHTCLOUD! I'M DAYCLOUD."

5. Yell, "Nightcloud use bitch attack!" (It was super effective.)

6. Follow her all day and yell, "Nightcloud return!" while holding up a pokeball.


	14. Crowfeather

Crowfeather

* * *

1. Keep saying Leafpool wants to tell you something at the border and when he come wait in a Leafpool costume.

2. Even better make Nightcloud come to.

3. Dress as a crow and follow him all day cawwing.

4. Bite him on the ankle and exclaim, "You taste nothing like crow!"

5. Say, "Leafpool had something to say, why were you so mean!?"

6. Chase him around and beat him with a fish all day.

7. Stuff bird feed in his fresh kill.

8. Give him and Nightcloud an I LOVE LEAFPOOL t-shirt for their birthdays or on christmas.

9. Suggest that that he really should consider giving his son some lithium (I'm bipolar, I can make that joke.)


	15. Greystripe

Greystripe

* * *

1. Whe he is nuzzleing Millie yell, "I don't think Silverstream would approve of this behavior!"

2. Force him to sing on Warriors Idol and start criticisze him.

3. Shave him while he is sleeping and say sorry im allergic to you (Best if it is leaf-bare).


	16. Brightheart

Brightheart

* * *

1. Hide a recorder and play a tape of barking dogs.

2. Tell her she "has a little something" on her face.

3. Ask why she wasn't named scar face.

4. Ask her how Daisy is doing.

5. Point at Daisy when Cloudtail is talking to her and say, "Oh is that his sister, they seem very friendly."

6. Set her up on a blind date with Daisy.

7. Tell her she got an apprentice then say just kidding.

8. Mess up her den, she's like an elder anyway


	17. UPDATE: April 29, 2013

UPDATES

* * *

So, for the record, I wrote this shit when I was 12. Right now, a few months before I scurry up to college I decided to do some updating. Yes, I am that dork that is nearly a freaking college kid and still is up to date in her children's books. I also run an RP site, you can see that shit on my profile if you really want to. So, obviously, most of these are not funny. I'm working on fixing the spelling and typos. But you guys keep suggesting and rather, begging that I do more. So I guess I will. I don't really read suggestions much, I feel like that's cheating, but I might add one or two I find really funny and cite the original ideas. If any of mine match up with any of yours and you were not cited, I came up with that shit myself. Also, I swear a lot. Thanks loyal fans, who even though it's been like, I don't even know, I hate math, several goddamn years since I've updated you still follow.


	18. Lionblaze

Lionblaze

* * *

1. When a car is going by, shove him in the street and when he becomes roadkill shout, "I thought you were invincible!" (Thank you Hawkpath, also, bitching name.)

2. We all know he wants to be a normal cat. So let's just put him in a super hero cape, totally normal.

3. A few nails in the nest never hurt anyone, especially anyone with super powers.

4. Constantly ask him how his mommy problems are going.

5. Light him on fire, he is Lion_blaze _after all.

6. Tie a nice little bonnet around his head, he would look adorable. I think Cinderheart would agree.

If you cool cats have any suggestions on who to do next, comment.


	19. Leopardstar

Lionblaze

* * *

Leopardstar

* * *

I refuse to harass Leopardstar, so here are ways to be nice to her.

1. Scratch her under the chin. Cats love it.

2. Give her insulin, poor baby died of diabetes.

3. Fetch new moss for her nest. Obsessively.

4. Feed her fancy feast. Bitches love fancy feast.

5. Hugs and kisses. I love you Leopardstar! D:

6. Okay, fine, one mean one. Bring Wilford Brimley (look him up on YouTube) and have him follow her around and say, "diabeetus."


End file.
